An explorer. An adventurer. An avant-guard person totally off their rocker. Yes, that is I. I is me. I have done more than you can see. Perhaps it's because I'm the most agile and swiftest character that you'll never see coming. Perhaps it's because I'm enjoying some radioactive debris that will never effect me. Perhaps it's because I invented the Easy Bake oven when I was 8 and single handily out doing Betty Crocker.
Glaring into the eyes of change I told him, "I'm a republican." He didn't back down but like a girl on her first date got sweaty palms as we shook to accept an agreement that I was going to win. It was I who convinced Rosa Parks to reprobate to transport her being from her seat. Correction, my seat. Well, it was mine but I decided to be generous to the elderly by benevolently offering it to her. But I did in fact give the Cornell the recipe for his chicken, which is to this day what they call 'finger lickin' good'.
Ironman? No. Le Tour de France? Too commericalized. Created Airhead's mystery flavor? Why of course. No one has disentangled this mystery that an episode will appear tonight on Unsolved Mysteries. Togi Makabe couldn't withstand my untenable stalwartness during an arm wrestle contention. Locking eyes that would make your daily staring contest pitiful to a fault. I even spend every second Monandaeg of the month at 11:21PM to 11:47PM playing 21 and always winning with 22.
I am the ding sound your microwave. Ding. If you don't open the door because you just dawdle over I'll just ding again. Ding. Wow, doesn't that make me impressive amongst yourselves. I invented fire shortly after perfecting the atomic bomb Einstein had malevolently took credit for. Even so, I casually turn brackish saltwater and transmogrify into an invigorating liquid of life. Beer.
Mac versus PC feud? I created that. The Bieber flip? I created that. The Holy Grail? I created that and made it too.
Neil Armstrong may have planted a flag on the bright side of the Moon but I've established a full resort on the dark side. Shadows follow like an abhorrent encounter because I made the shadow. Wind happens when I tell it so. The sun rises when I want. Fish bite at my hook to maintain my pride as a fisherman. I'm the tension, the awkwardness, and the anxiety in those moments where you are being introduced to your future in laws.
The Queen beautifully bows before me. I make water diminish fires as a girlfriend diminishes her boyfriend. I made my Adam's apple turn to cider with a piercing high C. I made communism just like I made a phone call. Pencils. Pens. Keyboards. They fear me as they don't know if I will abuse them with my muscles of the palm.
I've done so much for life yet I'm just a high school pupil.
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